diary of a mad
househusband

05 august 2000

 

 five deadly sins

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

I don't remember how long it's been since my last confession, but it really doesn't matter, because I'm not going to make a full confession anyway-- it would take hours, maybe even days, and you have a long line waiting outside the confessional. I just want to tell you about my sins fixing and eating dinner tonight, OK?

It started with sloth. I stir-fried chicken with broccoli and mushrooms, only instead of mincing garlic and ginger, even though I had them, I used garlic powder and ground ginger. Instead of seasoning the oil with a dried hot red pepper, which I also had, I used a sprinkle of ground cayenne. Instead of taking two steps to the pantry for brown sugar, I used white sugar from the sugar bowl at hand.

Gluttony and pride took over when I started eating. It was very good, perhaps better than if I hadn't been so slothful. I stuffed myself.

Neither HRH the Queen of the House nor the Heir felt compelled to comment on the food. I felt a touch of envy toward cooks whose efforts are appreciated. Well, maybe it was more than a touch. All right, I was as green as the broccoli, OK? And perhaps I was a little angry as well.

That anger, however, was nothing like the anger I felt when, rising to get a drink, I managed to dump the half-full plate, upside down, on the carpeted floor, shattering it. And when that happened, I did most emphatically take the Lord's name in vain.

I didn't really come for absolution, Father, so you needn't bother with the "Our Fathers" and "Hail, Marys." Really, I was just wondering whether anyone else in the parish has ever managed five of the seven deadly sins in connection with one meal.

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